Words are powerful. While this is not breaking news, there is often little consideration given to the effects of language and how it is used. Beyond one’s intentions in using certain words, those words can be interpreted in radically different ways — and speaking and listening aren’t always as straightforward as they seem.
Two aspects of language are worth understanding more deeply: its materiality and its structuring power. Through gaining a clearer understanding of these qualities, it becomes possible to respond and connect with others in a manner more nuanced and aligned with how we actually feel.
The Materiality of Language
At its most basic level, what makes something “material” is its ability to affect both time and space around it — to be real, substantial, and to leave a mark. Consider an asteroid traveling through space: it has substance, and when it comes into contact with something, it leaves a mark.
A word alone has never left a crater in its wake. But when certain words are spoken — alone or in certain combinations — they can leave a substantial mark on the person speaking them or receiving them. Have you ever had a moment when something someone said to you simply stuck? Perhaps a mentor gave you exactly the advice or inspiration you needed at a critical moment. Or perhaps someone said something that figuratively knocked your legs out from under you — and you’re still, in some ways, trying to get back up.
This forms the basis of nearly all concerns that emerge in psychotherapy. Words may not make an observable physical mark, but they have materiality in their ability to leave a felt impact — one that can last years or decades.
The Structuring Power of Language
A second important aspect of language is its ability to structure or build a frame. When someone speaks, the words chosen create a framework through which to understand the conversation as a whole. If someone begins a conversation with “don’t be mad, but…” or “I always mess this up,” what does that frame communicate before anything else has been said?
Framing language sets the tone for how others understand what follows. If an engineer said, “The stairs you’re about to walk on seem sturdy, but I always mess that up,” would you feel more or less confident using those stairs? How does that framing statement affect your trust in the engineer’s work?
Beyond its effect on the listener, framing language also affects the person speaking. This occurs through self-statement — where the speaker is simultaneously their own audience. When someone prefaces a difficult conversation with “don’t be mad,” the implication already embedded in that phrase is that the speaker feels shame about what they’re about to say and anticipates an unwanted response. Because language has impact, framing a message in this way may actually make the unwanted response more likely — a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Words are powerful indeed. Because using them is an everyday occurrence, it’s easy to forget the mark they can make or how subtly they can frame an entire conversation. But in understanding how language works — and how you use it — it becomes possible to reduce the distance it can create in relationships, and to increase the clarity and connection it can provide.
In Part 2, we examine the ability of language to bring new experiential worlds into existence.
If questions about communication, relationships, or how your inner experience shapes your outer world are ones you’d like to explore, our clinicians would be glad to help. In-person in Denver and telehealth throughout Colorado. Call 720-675-7918 or request an appointment online.